Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
