I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
