my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
