it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
