Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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