I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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