he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
