so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's blow job season.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
