I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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