I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
