We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
