It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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