How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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