It's Friday. Sex?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
