i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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