dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
