He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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