I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
