its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
