I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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