it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize