Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just had sex on a roof
my poor anus
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
