My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
