i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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