My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
