would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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