You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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