I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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