All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
