im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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