My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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