i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
