I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
