My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize