Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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