if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
