mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
