I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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