Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
