he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
