I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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