He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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