Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
