mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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