did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
