I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
