Who did Billy Mays play for?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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