How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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