dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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