Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
