okay pat passed out under dana's car
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
