i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
