Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
