And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
