u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
