girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
