if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
