Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
