I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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