I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
