Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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