god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
