i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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