Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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