wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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