Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
