Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
