google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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