So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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