I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
